I’m in paper hell right now, so I don’t really have time for a real entry. However, I do want to get you guys started on this one so it can be ready for the holiday season. From the creator of “That’s Not Cholera!” (new friends: ask me later) comes a new game that will change the way you look at movies: the Universal Drinking Game!
The problem with traditional drinking games, as I see it, is twofold. First of all, in an effort to be hilarious, such games tend to suffer from sprawl–more and more rules proliferate, getting more and more specific, until each participant has to be responsible for twelve rules each (the Star Wars drinking game, running some 6 pages, is the worst example of this). Second of all, at least with movies, drinking games are (pardon the pun) one-shot dealies. Once you’ve played the Labyrinth drinking game, that’s it. You’ve already drunk for every David Bowie crotch shot; playing it again doesn’t lead to any variety.
The Universal Drinking Game, on the other hand, is infinitely re-playable. As long as there are mediocre movies, there’s fodder for the Universal Drinking Game. The Universal Drinking Game will consist of a small number of drinking prompts–ten or less–that can be found in a wide range of movies. You don’t get a bunch of friends together to play the UDG; you’re playing whenever you’re watching a movie and you have a drink handy. (Theoretically this means an alcoholic drink, although if you watch a movie with a soda in your hand you may want to practice.)
In order for this new sensation to sweep the nation, I need some help from you all. I’m asking everyone to submit possible rules for the first edition of the game. Post them here; after I’ve gotten a few good ones (I’m going to keep it small for ease of memory), I’ll decide on the final list. You’re welcome to play your own variants, but the ones I pick will be the official terms of the game. Here are two to get you started (these aren’t definites yet, they’re just examples):
1. Drink whenever someone is bitten by a snake (or stung by a scorpion, etc.) in an embarrassing part of the body and needs someone else to suck out the poison.
2. Drink when one character says he or she has something to tell another character, but is prevented from doing so (by the other character saying, “Tell me later,” say, or by the sounding of the Emergency Alert).
–The rule can be specific to one genre, but the more universal it is, the better.
–The rule has to be a moment–something taking a minute or less to develop. “Drink whenever two people who initially didn’t like each other fall in love” doesn’t work.
–The rules should be specific, and it should make fun of illogical or ridiculous conventions. “Drink for every car chase” is pretty banal. “Drink every time a car jumps off a ramp that for some reason is on an ordinary city street” could work.
Get to it!