An IM conversation between Tom and Julie, Saturday, January 10:
T: So Karen sent me a call for submissions for a new comedy magazine.
J: Hey, cool.
T: Yeah, it is, but here’s something weird: I was reading the e-mail, thinking of what I could submit, and I came across this sentence: “No “onion-type” news parodies. Furthermore, if you think The Onion is actually funny, don’t bother submitting anything.”
T: I don’t know if I told you, but I actually do think The Onion is funny.
T: I’m still thinking of submitting, but it just strikes me as really asinine.
J: Don’t bother submitting. I think that’s the mark of a really amateurish journal.
T: Right, like The Onion is some sort of mainstream, banal humor.
J: Can I see?
T: You’ll also notice it says I can “Receive additional national exposure to about 1 Million,” which strikes me as kind of batshit unlikely.
J: Phuh. I’ve come across these before — “Our new magazine is going to be the best in the world right from the start, so send us something and if we actually like it you’ll be famous!!!!!!
J: “But don’t bother sending us anything crappy because our standards are astronomical!!!!!!”
T: Right. “The fees are modest for now”–subtext, “but once we’re the new Mad Magazine, we’ll pay you in women and diamonds!”