April 25, 2004

Battle Without Honor or Humanity

Filed under: Uncategorized — tomemos @ 3:43 am

Because they won’t fit in any other entries:

I just found out that a girl I had sex with during my October of Debauchery (during senior year at Sarah Lawrence) is now a lesbian. It is hard not to take this personally. Call it narcissistic, or call it a fallacy (post hoc ergo propter hoc), but cause and effect seem to implicate me here. At least I now have an explanation for why she wasn’t interested in hooking up again.

I recently noticed a strange subjective phenomenon: when I’m working on a paper, I can’t quite envisage life existing past that paper. For example, I was working late into the night on a Dickens paper on the night before Kill Bill opened. A bunch of us, including a visiting Julie, were planning to watch it opening night. When I finished the paper and turned it in, I thought, “Oh, good, we can go see Kill Bill after all”–as if, had I not finished the paper, I would never be heard from again, or space-time would be interrupted in some way.

By the way, everyone has seen Kill Bill, yes? Because it’s totally hot? I just bought the soundtrack to the first one, and I’ve decided that there should be an Oscar for Best Soundtrack. I think Quentin Tarantino would win a lifetime achievement award for it.



  1. Tom, I’ve been waiting for a good time to tell you this, but I think I’m only interested in seeing girls from now on. It’s nothing personal — you’re just too much man for me. Sorry ’bout that!

    Comment by Julie — April 26, 2004 @ 10:56 am

  2. Well, we kissed that one time, and i’ve pretty much only been after girls since. Hmm…

    Haven’t seen either part of Kill Bill yet (i think i’m waiting for them to be convenient bookends), but Tarantino does soundtracks like no one else. It’s just astonishing.


    Comment by Brian — April 27, 2004 @ 2:17 am

  3. I know what the problem is here, Tom. You said “had sex with” and not “made sweet love to,” and that made the gal think that all men are sexist pigs, and she thought, “geez, maybe I’ll stick to chicks from now on.”

    To quote the great philosopher 50 cent, “I’m into havin’ sex I ain’t into makin’ love.”

    Comment by Bret — April 27, 2004 @ 9:33 am

  4. I really can’t believe she didn’t know she was a dyke before now. She totally had a mad crush on Alison (cute little Alison… know her) for like ever. And yes Tom, it was you that turned her gay. Your huge, intimidating cock was just too much for her to handle. That and the colored condoms *smile*.

    Comment by Cimorene — April 28, 2004 @ 7:13 pm

  5. you’ve had sex … with a lady?

    Comment by not-drew — April 29, 2004 @ 10:03 am

  6. You know, Tom, I have a friend who updates his blog every day. I’m just saying, is all. And he works for the justice department. Which means he has time for justice AND his friends. I’m just saying.

    Comment by Bret — April 29, 2004 @ 10:12 am

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