Here are two hilarious and related internet time-wasters, the first exhaustible, the second not.
The first is this guy on eBay who left surreal and funny feedback many, many times. Unfortunately eBay eventually made him stop doing that, so nowadays it seems he just writes “OMG GREAT TRANSACTION!” But back in his prime (which starts about here and goes on for three or four pages) he left a few choice ones:
“Good buyer, if you like buyers like that. I’m not saying I do. But he’s good.”
“Man oh man oh man oh man oh man! MAN! You know what I mean?”
“Once left, I cannot edit or retract this feedback. So thank you for paying me.”
The second is a guy who writes Amazon reviews under the name “J.E. Swearingen.” He, too, seems to be getting flack from the Man–Amazon doesn’t have many of his reviews on the site anymore–but I was thrilled to see that he has a blog, “Buy Curious,” which has recorded his reviews for posterity. Here’s my favorite:
“Toddler Boys’ Miles Brown Boat Shoes
Availability: This item is currently unavailable.
One Cavaet, August 28, 2005
These shoes are working out great for our youngest son, Branathyn, but I found, after he was wearing them for a while, that I had to make some changes. First of all, we put some new laces in, because the old ones we’re a little “raggedy.” Secondly I cut the tongue out to keep the shoes whispering lies in the dark of the night and poisoning my son against me.”
Go check them all out now!